Transparency & Positivity

     After OVERCOMING so many medical obstacles and CONQURING so many difficult battles, for the first time I seem to be faced with a medical problem I cannot SOLVE. My condition is progressive, which technically means it will only get worse over time. I have hit a dead end in the rat maze. I am frustrated. How is it that I spent all of my life FIGHTING illness only to find myself in such a hopeless position. And that's when I remember how far I've come and laugh... LIFE is testing me again and clearly still unaware that I WILL NEVER GIVE UP! I am a FIGHTER & a SURVIVOR. I am here for a REASON, and it's starting to become quite clear what that is. 

     It's hard for most of us to wake up in 2015 and not have something to worry about. The world we live in is a chaotic one; full of constant sensory overload and an unlimited all access pass into Pandora's box. We all have things going on in our lives, we all have to demons to face, and challenges we must OVERCOME. Social, personal, serious, trivial, and everything in between from loss, illness, substance abuse, divorce, sexual confusion,  racism, domestic violence, child abuse, poverty, infidelity, and the list goes on..

     My current situation as it stands is a tough one. I am living with Myofibrillar Myopathy. My body is slowly giving up on me and it seems as though there is nothing I can do to stop it. There is no treatment for what I have. Between a lack of funding and so few people even being diagnosed there are no clinical trials in progress. My legs just want to quit on me. I swear I can practically hear my wheelchair calling out to me as I walk by it.

 "Why do you even bother? Give up already. Just sit."

     My arms, feeling left out, have decided to compete with my legs for weakness. This makes daily tasks more challenging. As if a lot of work doesn't go into LOOKING AS GOOD AS I DO as it stands, LOL. Walking is getting harder and running is something I'm only lucky enough to experience in a dream  every now and again. Not only I can't chase my niece and nephew in the park, I can't pick them up and hold them either. If you have children, TREASURE THESE MOMENTS! Being an adult of divorced parents can be a nightmare. Certain HAPPY moments of pride or accomplishment are potentially tainted by a dark cloud of hate and disgust. As if all of this wasn't enough, mix in today's social living pressures and personal insecurities. My life is no walk in the park, but I do my best to always look my best and make it seem that way. 

     The way I see it, things could always be worse and most situations can be approached in one of two ways. POSITIVE and negative. As cliché  as this idea may seem, the difficult task of taking a POSITIVE approach to a rather dreadful situation is what is keeping me ALIVE to this day. If you can find yourself in a negative frame of mind and switch ur thought pattern you may be surprised at the results you see. Positive thinking is usually contagious and can catch like wildfire. The same however goes for negative thinking. Try to gain some perspective. Take a step back from your emotions and analyze your feelings in proportion to other issues going on in your life. You may find that some of the things you end up worrying about the most, are also the most illogical and senseless. If you look back you will notice certain words are bolded and highlighted. This is because amidst all the chaos written on this page, with everything I am currently facing in my life, these are the words I choose to focus on.

     When you look at my track record, it is quite evident that all the odds were against me, but I OVERCAME, time and time again. Unfortunately, I know many people who were not as lucky and died for less. The fight has been long and hard; I have the wounds and scars to prove it. I AM FORTUNATE AND I AM HAPPY! I count my BLESSINGS. It really is the little things. Looking into the eyes of my niece and nephew make me happy. Time with my FAMILY makes me happy. GOOD FOOD and GOOD MUSIC make me happy. A NICE DAY makes me happy. My FAITH KEEPS ME HAPPY!  TRUE FRIENDS! And even if for just those reasons alone, I will continue fighting, day after day, refusing to allow LIFE to succeed in it's desperate attempts to break me. I truly believe people can learn a lot from my experiences. My autobiography is almost complete; a memoir built on the premise of TRANSPARENCY and POSITIVITY!

I know I will be ok, because in all of my battles  #LOVEWINS